Lanj: 2013/6/27 (3/3)
Translated from the original Japanese.
At that time, he did not have any anxiety about divorce, and he had no idea why that thought popped up.
Surely, she was detestable. He sometimes tried to say that he wanted to kill her before stopping himself mid-sentence.
However, in reality, thinking of whether her bad attitude warranted her death was taking it too far.
Then as for injuring her, he could not do it at all, even if he felt a sense of self-hatred for hurting a person.
Even if he could receive reparations, the problem would not be with money.
After all, what he wished for was an apology from her. If she said, “I’ve done many heartless things to you about what happened after I left, too. I want you to forgive me,” then he would answer, “The divorce itself was my bad, too. It must have been hard taking care of your child.”
Wanting such words, he came approaching her through the lawyer and the Internet, but she would only flee, and she would not respond with any discussion.
The constant research and work that Seren did in 2008 took a toll on his health.
It was the era of the job drought during graduate school, when he had no time to kill. As the years passed, he graduated in need of a job but without even significant work experience.
The future was gloomy as his body worsened.
Still, he endured the situation because there was more research to do, but his body finally could no longer handle even that, and he lost the meaning of his life.
In 2011, he starting making preparations for his death, greeting the 20th anniversary of his activities.
2013/6/27 was the tenth anniversary of his marriage with her, and on this day, he thought of ending it all.
Until then, he was thinking of brushing up and creating content, so that ordinary people would be able to understand his research results, as well as engraving his name on the face of history.
The person with whom he would pass away had been decided in 2003. It was she.
When they were still lovers, she said the following:
“I couldn’t live without you, Seren.”
“If you die, then I’d die, too.”
Is it? Well, exactly as you said back then, I’ll be dead together with you, he thought.
Is it true that “those words would be no use unless she loved me”? What if “those words and these ones never existed”? Are there such convenient things to say?
Would they arouse feelings of love in the person to whom these important words were casually spoken?
He wouldn’t have to brag on from the beginning, rather than taking the opportunity to scrap his words. Either way would have been convenient.
Mel wouldn’t brag in such a way, and the son had his own life. She was the only one he was reminded of.
Having returned to Flanje in a car he rented in the evening, Seren entered Liiza’s room.
“Oh, this is a strange time to come. What’s the matter?”
As he silently drew near Liiza, who had her head tilted, Seren abruptly started beating her up.
Liiza screamed as she fell over, but Seren did not stop.
Hearing the uproar, Mel and the others rushed inside. “Seren, what are you doing!?”
But Seren continued his violent rampage.
“Miifa, take the teacher and run!”
“Anywhere, as long as it’s outside Arna!”
The six people in Mel’s party clung to Seren to stop him. Miifa grabbed Liiza’s hand and ran outside. Seren, seeing this, stopped them from moving.
“What the hell’s the matter with you? You raised your hand at Teacher last year, too, right? Did you even start a quarrel?”
“Nah, I had a fine relationship with Teacher.”
“Then what for!?”
“Last year, I noticed and inferred that Teacher might run away to some degree. I did this because I needed to try an experiment for this time.”
“I didn’t have much of an earning from 2008 on, and I probably got fed by Teacher. Because she was my mother and thought I was lovable.”
“Why beat up that sort of person!”
“If she lost me while she still thought I was lovable, then she’d be sad, right? So I had to make her abandon me.”
“Lose you… what?”
Seren stood up and left the room.
“Wait! Where are you going!?”
Mel, having disturbing thoughts, grabbed onto Seren’s arm. Seren looked over his shoulder with a bitter face. “You start hating me, too,” he said as he slapped Mel’s face.
As Mel collapsed onto the floor, she pressed down on her face.
“What do you mean hate you… there’s no way I can!”
Seren left Flanje without saying a word.